Rapists of the Deep

Yesterday an acquaintance rhapsodized about her recent family vacation to Hawaii. The highlight was her daughter's swim with the dolphins. For $200 you get to hang on to their fins and zip around the pool. Then they circle back and somehow you get to stand on them and ride on their backs. Which we apparently think is a good and respectful thing to do to our hyper-intelligent friends in the ocean.


It was a "professional" environment so I couldn't ask the only relevant follow-up question: is there an extra charge for forced bestiality, or do they offer you a partial refund?

Oh please. Don't act all shocked. Yeah, everyone loves dolphins and their "smiles." Their assistance with the War on Sharks. The cute acrobatics at Sea World. Prince Albert of Monaco even declared 2007 The Year of the Dolphin.


And yet.

Everyone also knows that these genius fish (fine, mammals, whatever) are totally aggro and attack other fish -- and mammals -- all the time. They practice infanticide (of their own, not ours.) They rape each other, and they rape humans.

Don't believe me? Google "the dark side of dolphins" and watch some of those videos. Trust me, you want to have a brain cleanser ready to watch right after, something G-rated and mindless like Teletubbies that can push out the mental images and allow you to sleep that night.

So don't tell me you're dying to go have a magical, spiritual experience in Cabo with the dolphins. Do some yoga, burn some incense, have a couple of shots and go get f***ed by your own kind.