The High Incidence of Genital Herpes Make Sense When You Think About Sienna Miller's Dating Record
Since we're both from the "SEX=DEATH SO ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM" generation (ah, that late 80s AIDS crisis) we were especially shocked to hear such a high number.
"So three of the people at that party tonight had herpes," he said, incredulously.
"Maybe it's not as evenly distributed as that," I replied, skeptically. Then I went to wash my hands.
Later, I was reading about (oogling pictures of) Sienna Miller's naked breast being fondled by troubled -- and married -- Getty scion Balthazar, I remembered an old blind item about him giving every starlet in Hollywood herpes. Right then a six degrees of separation light bulb went off in my head.
Of course so many people have the herps! Just think about the awe-inspiring number of people Sienna has slept with (that we know about) and all of the people they screwed. This crew is a walking petrie dish! They could bring polio back if they half tried.
The Sienna Miller Former Boyfriend Viral Nexus includes:
Balthazar Getty, who dated Drew Barrymore, Gina Gershon and Lala Sloatman, who in turn is the former girlfriend of Corey Haim and Chris Robinson...which leads us to Kate Hudson, who recently dated Dax Shepherd and Owen Wilson. Break out the penicillin!
"Model" Jamie Burke who transfers the effluvia of such lovelies as Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss (ex of Pete Doherty, we could probably stop there and be done) and Courtney Love. Yikes! He's lucky to be alive.
Josh Harnett, high volume dater and greasy ex-boyfriend of Scar Jo, Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst and (seriously) 17 other girls with poor judgment
Josh's "achievements" pale in comparison to Leonardo DiCaprio, who has 53 -- YES, FIVE-THREE -- former lady loves listed on his Who Dated Who page. The more germane point is probably who didn't he date, but here's a partial list of his skankier conquests: Juliette Lewis (also a former Brad Pitt girlfriend), Bijou Philips, Paris Hilton, Heather Graham, Jessica Simpson, a laundry list of lingerie models, plus repeat offenders Kirsten Dunst and Drew Barrymore.
Jude Law, who Sienna has to thank for putting her on the tramp map. Jude has a taste for some of the popular women we've already seen: Lindsay (back when she liked boys,) Kate Moss, his wife Sadie Frost who was rumored to have a thing for threesomes, Jessica Simpson (yes, inexplicably again) and of course, Daisy Wright, the nanny with a bod made for sin and a mouth made for snitching.
When you spread out these connections, so to speak, it's easy to see how Hollywood could be laid low by a particularly nasty sinus infection, never mind a frequently silent but pervasive social disease.
It makes me feel lucky to not be famous!
The guy in the green hat is wearing a wig, right? RIGHT?
And to think I once found Jude Law attractive .....
(But poor, poor Daniel Craig!)
Posted by: Gwen | July 30, 2008 at 12:22 PM
EW. Hollywood is so freaking incestuous!
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