Get this: her step-dad Bruce "Botox-face" Jenner blames it on Kimmy's innate "shyness."
Wait. Isn't this the chick who rose to fame on the backside of her sex tape? The same sex tape I now feel compelled to go watch, just to confirm that she is literally, figuratively, and BDSM-wise, the biggest bottom ever?
Talk about a pretty girl who just lies there! Watching her "dance" I totally got the impression that she would have been happy to sit on a chair in the middle of the dance floor and watch her (saintly) professional partner Mark dance around her.
She also would have looked better.
Okay. Now she's gone, the field has opened up and the game is on. Of course, with my canny pop culture sensibilities, I can already tell you who the final two couples will be:
Lance and Lacey vs. Brooke and Derek
You heard it here first.
I must admit that Brooke Burke will always occupy a soft spot in my heart because of the endless sexual harassment she endured from Tommy Lee and Dave Navarro during two seasons of the outstanding Rockstar INXS and Rockstar Supernova. If it was possible for two men to impregnate a lady with lavicous looks and mental humping, she'd have four more children. At least.
But Brooke's professional partner, Derek? Meh. I'm not so much with that wholesome thing. Plus he still has the stank of that skank Shannon Elizabeth, who totally snatched his precious virginity and broke his heart as his partner on Season 6.
As Colleen likes to say, Go With Gay. I'm all about Team Lance. Of course, he needs to bust out those frosted tips, get back to his (Boy Band) roots and shake it! Also, he and Lacey need to lose some of that punkiness. This is ballroom, not the Dance Dance Revolution Championships! Make Len happy and America will follow!