wishbone clover

The Adam Lambert Tears for Fears Video -- Saving You From DVR Fail

UPDATE: YouTube took down the video, but you can go here and see all of Adam's high pitched glory.

Tonight the Twitterverse almost collapsed in cardiac arrest when American Idol ran late and our DVRs failed to capture the music theater genius -- and Jonas Brother Hair -- of Adam "Don't Ask Don't Tell" Lambert. (cue laugh track, roll "My BFF Stefania said that" credit)

I found it on YouTube and present it here for your viewing pleasure. Adam gives a stirring performance from his forth-coming album "Songs in the Key of Dog Whistle" (credit to Glennia for that hilarious album title.)

At the end, Simon gives Adam a standing ovation, but not in the sexual way. That I know of!

I think we might have to go see this season's American Idols on Tour. Better start saving up for bail now!

The New Humor Paradigm: Tina Fey as Sarah Palin is Funny Despite Being True

Ugh and at the same time, Bono, King of Ireland? Fucking hilarious because it's true!

Ivana Trump Had the Euro-Trashiest Wedding Ever.

Last weekend Ivana Trump -- the original Mrs. The Donald Trump -- got married for the fourth time.

First, let's applaud this woman. She's a Gabor sister for a new millennium. She's got the hair, the accent, the wardrobe straight out of Dynasty. She admits to being 59, but who knows how old she really is? And her new husband, whom she kept in gold hunter quarantine dated for 6 years is only 35. Good for her!

Now that the sisterhood crap is out of the way, let's get to the dirt.

"You Almost Have To Feel Sorry For China"

That title is a hilarious quote of scorn and pity from a French activist. I read it online this morning, but it sadly disappeared before I could note who said it, lost along with a report on sfgate that the French threw bread (ahahahaha, turns out it was eggs) at the Olympic torch as it lurched through Paris.

But seriously, the Chinese government so underestimated the zeal and skills of the world's protesters!

Wait, Diablo Cody Was A *Stripper*

A stripper, people. As in dancing on a stage, around a pole, in white patent leather or clear plastic, five-inch platforms.

Stuart Weitzman drama aside, you're telling me she couldn't rummage through her closet and pull out something with a little height that matched her leopard skin negligee? They're called STRIPPER HEELS, for Pete's sake.

Diablo, if ever there was a night to show off your "runway" walking skills (and not look stumpy) this was it.

I like

to take pictures of people who are being photographed by other people.

The Imaginary Gun Show

I was so excited to write about the gun show. Even more excited to take pictures, until I found out that Cow Palace doesn't let you bring in cameras. No matter, I would take copious notes, inconspicuously, and share the mystery with you, the curious world.

Except I didn't get to go. For a variety of reasons that are best left unexplored (Chief's fender bender = no car for WEEKS while it's in the body shop, cough cough) we stayed home on Sunday.

But I can't let go of the gun show dream. So here is my imagined gun show experience in the form of the semi-rhetorical questions I would have whispered to Chief during the day:

• Did you see her-no, wait, him?
  
• Oh my god, are those real?
• Whoa, are they a couple?
  
• I thought Nazi stuff wasn't allowed?
• Where do you think that tattoo ends?
• Should you really eat that?
• What crazyhead issued him a permit?
• Is it wrong to buy this if I only have it ironically? No, are you sure? Please?
• Did he really tell you he killed a goat?

Next time I'll rent a car if necessary. Shoot, I'll rent a bike. But I won't take Muni. Buses are for chumps.

Forget Rehab, What About Jail?

I'm no legal expert, but if I know the contents of Amy Winehouse's drug OD regurgitation, then it stands to reason that the authorities know, too. So why isn't she under arrest?

I mean, it's still illegal to do ecstasy, coke or heroin, never mind all three, right? She admitted to this, and more, all over the interwebs. Not to get all technical, but that sounds like a confession to me.

What, doesn't Commissioner Gordon have DSL down at the Hall of Justice? Should we print out a copy of the Perez post and mail it to him?

And we should totally add a note telling them to rush that squad car over for her. If this before and after shot is any indication, Amy's five minutes from Keith Richards Heroin-Induced Living Death. Iggy Pop pulls it off, but on her it seems less "tribute" and more "lack of imagination."

"I’ve never wanted anything I couldn’t have."

For the first official wishbone clover interview, we speak with Matthew, who used to be a buyer for our favorite San Francisco emporium of weird, Paxton Gate. When I first interviewed for a job with Knickerbocker, I was unconvinced that corporate life was for me. When I walked into Cat's dimly-lit office, spied her green nailpolish, and chatted about stationery and monkey skulls, I thought I'd fit right in.

Matthew: Is this the interview now?

Me: Yes.

Matthew: Would you like water or cheap beer that isn't refrigerated?

Me: Beer. How did you get a job with Paxton Gate?

Matthew: I was living down in Humboldt, a friend came back from visiting San Francisco and said, "I found this place in San Francisco that looks just like your bedroom. It's called Something Gate." I was working for a place in Humboldt called Something Gate, so I didn't think much of it. Then I was traveling through Uruguay and decided to move to San Francisco. On Tribe, I found a job at Paxton Gate listed under the "bizarre" category. I had to jump through a lot of hoops to get it, but they were intelligent hoops.

Me: How long did you work there?

Matthew: 10 months. Hey! I found my fortune! (He pulls out a Mason jar filled with slips of paper from fortune cookies.) In the end, I wanted a life outside of work.

Me: What's the weirdest thing you were ever offered?

Matthew: A film reel of a monkey being tortured. I purchased a still, but I had to get rid of it. I couldn't stand to look at it.

Me: Do you shop there now?

Matthew: No, I've always had an affinity for finding odd things on my own. Which is probably why I worked there. We really got into taxidermy when a retired captain of industry offered us his collection. He had a warehouse of trophies from his safaris.

Me: What's the one thing you wouldn't sell, no matter how much someone offered you?

Matthew: My art. Any of it. That's a heart in a vial. Vertebrae. A preserved duck heart. Some wings.