wishbone clover

I Miss Maude, Too

Props to the brilliant as usual Go Fug Yourself Girls for posting the link to this priceless video of Bea Arthur as Carrie Bradshaw.

Thanks for the memories Maude. We miss you.

(Yes, that's Sally Struthers, Katherine Hellman and Mrs. Garret from the Facts of Life.)

How To Write a Condolence Note

Earlier this week my college boyfriend told me that our Greek professor, Dr Charles Zabrowski, is dying. He is at home receiving people; an address was provided so I could send Dr Zabrowski a note.

I think: Fuck January. I think: Fuck death.

In the last 24 hours, I sat down to write this note three times, and each time I stopped. I don't know how to write it. I don't have the words. Over hot and sour soup down the street I pulled out my notebook and pen, but I had to stop.

When someone you know dies, wishful thinking convinces you that it would have been better to know in advance so you could have told that person what he means to you. But what do you say? You have a pen, you have paper: what do you say?

Here's Why Us Weekly is So Worth the Price of Home Delivery

This is the first photo caption in the print edition cover story about Brad Renfro's death:

"Believe me, me and Mama are going to miss the crap out of him," Renfro's half sister Haley, 14, tells Us (in a statement via pal Samantha Pearson.)

I have nothing to add.

Wait! Yes I do. At usmagazine.com you can also read the "story" behind this brilliantly passive aggressive quote from Jon Voight, regarding Angelina's rumored pregnancy:

"It’s wonderful news that she’s having another child, if that’s true."

Because, you know, they're estranged so he doesn't have any news but he's totally willing to use any excuse to get a little free press bury the hatchet. If only Angie would let him in.

Okay, now I'm done.

Enroute to Hair Salon from Work

Destination: The Mission from downtown during rush hour

Fare: $17

Conversation gold

Driver: I've been driving too long to drive fast.

Me: Oh yeah, how long is that?

Driver: A couple days.

crickets

more crickets

Driver (finally): Thirty-seven years.

Me: Wow, that's a long time.

Driver: It's all spacing and timing. Look at that fog. Rolling in like a shroud. A lot of years.

Your Killin’ Style

I was chatting with our friend Cheap Girl, and the topic of Colleen came up.

Cheap Girl: I'd take a bullet for her
Me: And she would shoot someone for you

Which got me to thinking. Would I take a bullet for anyone? Maybe. More likely I'd kill, but probably not with a gun.

My preferred fantasy revenge method is drowning. As in, kittens, burlap sack, rope, rocks and a murky, swift moving river. Or, asshole dude, burlap sack, cement, cabin cruiser and the deep dark ocean. The beauty of my method is the potential for variety.

And you?

"I’ve never wanted anything I couldn’t have."

For the first official wishbone clover interview, we speak with Matthew, who used to be a buyer for our favorite San Francisco emporium of weird, Paxton Gate. When I first interviewed for a job with Knickerbocker, I was unconvinced that corporate life was for me. When I walked into Cat's dimly-lit office, spied her green nailpolish, and chatted about stationery and monkey skulls, I thought I'd fit right in.

Matthew: Is this the interview now?

Me: Yes.

Matthew: Would you like water or cheap beer that isn't refrigerated?

Me: Beer. How did you get a job with Paxton Gate?

Matthew: I was living down in Humboldt, a friend came back from visiting San Francisco and said, "I found this place in San Francisco that looks just like your bedroom. It's called Something Gate." I was working for a place in Humboldt called Something Gate, so I didn't think much of it. Then I was traveling through Uruguay and decided to move to San Francisco. On Tribe, I found a job at Paxton Gate listed under the "bizarre" category. I had to jump through a lot of hoops to get it, but they were intelligent hoops.

Me: How long did you work there?

Matthew: 10 months. Hey! I found my fortune! (He pulls out a Mason jar filled with slips of paper from fortune cookies.) In the end, I wanted a life outside of work.

Me: What's the weirdest thing you were ever offered?

Matthew: A film reel of a monkey being tortured. I purchased a still, but I had to get rid of it. I couldn't stand to look at it.

Me: Do you shop there now?

Matthew: No, I've always had an affinity for finding odd things on my own. Which is probably why I worked there. We really got into taxidermy when a retired captain of industry offered us his collection. He had a warehouse of trophies from his safaris.

Me: What's the one thing you wouldn't sell, no matter how much someone offered you?

Matthew: My art. Any of it. That's a heart in a vial. Vertebrae. A preserved duck heart. Some wings.

Mater Dolorosa

As you may have picked up by now, here at wishbone clover we love the odd, the dark, the misunderstood. That's right: we're Catholic.

Rituals are a-ok by us, and we always check out cemeteries when we visit foreign cities. Cat even went to the Capuchin Crypt on a recent visit to Italy. Jealous.

Finalizing your designs for the sweet hereafter? Check out this neat collection of vintage memorial cards at Genealogy Today. Myself, I'm partial to the "Mrs. Herbert S. Case" look.