wishbone clover

Pornaments - Sexy Decorations Too Hot For AOL

I write for several AOL Living sites, including the holidaylicious Holidash. Go check out my Season of Schwag -- 25 days of outrageously awesome giveaways.

While you're there, you can also read the post I wrote about Sarah Palin hosting an open house at the Alaskan Governor's Mansion. That one really upset the conservatives. Over 200 comments (and counting) declaring that I am evil, a bad writer and deserving of punishments that I have to believe Jesus would not endorse.

Sadly, you won't see my post about decorating your tree with sexy Pornaments. It was declared too mature for the audience, and had to come down.

Maybe it was too racy for AOL, but it's too funny to leave unpublished. I mean, imagine if Rankin Bass ever did a Christmas Porno: Santa Claus is Cumming...All Over Frosty!

Obviously a snowman getting a blow snow job is NSFW, ditto priapic elves, boobilicious wreaths and doggy-style gingerbread. Enjoy!

What?! I *love* kids!

Aren't my nieces cute? And sweet as pie!

That's my nephew almost out of the picture on the right. He's doing the traditional "oldest child making believe I'm not here by reading the whole time and ignoring you idiots" trick, one of my childhood favorites.

We actually had a great time when Chief and I saw them in Boston, but man alive! What a handful! Further confirmation that I'm auntie-not-mommie material.

Also, my boobs in this picture? Crazy! No wonder Chief likes that dress so much.

I Figured Out Why Matt Gonzalez Is Running For VP With Ralph Nader

Ralph Nader is a Sith Lord and lured Matt to his certain self-destruction with the tempting power of the dark side of The Green. This is exactly as the brilliant George Lucas prophesied in Star Wars III, Revenge of the Sith.

Oh, you want more evidence?

Colin Farrell, Potential Savior

The Oscars were sort of a yawn this year. Thank God for Colin Farrell. And I maybe mean that literally.

When Ryan Seacrest asked Colin what he'd do if he wasn't an actor, it was almost as good as when Marty DiBergi asked Nigel Tufnel the same question.

Colin looked shocked for a minute (Shit! Unscripted question! Must use brain to formulate answer!) then his Irish blarney kicked in and everything was fine. With a look of disarming earnestness he said, "Something with me hands, like a carpenter."

He didn't finish the thought, but we all did at home: Just like Jaysus Christ!

That explains a lot about the hair and the beard.

Rogue's Gallery: Gabriel Byrne, Jared Leto, Colin Farrell

Today we introduce a new wc feature: Rogue's Gallery. It will be a structured exploration of the bad boys we love, however odd it may seem. In fact, the attraction must seem a bit odd, even contradictory, for them to qualify as a Rogue.

Here's an easy one to start:

Who: Gabriel Byrne

Why he's a rogue: made Bridget Fonda kill while crying in her underwear

Why we <heart>: charming brogue, Bryan Ferry hair, Excalibur, Little Women

*  *  * 

Okay, this one will challenge you a little:

Who: Jared Leto

Why he's a rogue: uh, general sleeziness?

Why we <heart>: inexplicably attractive eye makeup, in a band

*  *  *

We'll close with a classic:

Who: Colin Farrell
Why he's a rogue: Rehab, rebound, sex tape
Why we <heart>: stubble, accent, captivating personal perfume of whiskey and cigarettes

*  *  *

You get the idea. Got an idea? Send your submissions for future Rogue's Gallery posts to: wishboneclover AT gmail.com. Or you know, grow a pair and make a comment that everyone can see. And judge.